The conflict involved 3 people: Cindy (my best friend), Sean (a close friend of Desiree) and me. Desiree, a common friend of ours, was not on talking terms with Cindy due to ‘BGR’ (Boy-girl relationship) problems was indirectly involved.
It all started a few days after Cindy realized that Desiree had been backstabbing her by telling tales about her to the guy, “M” that Cindy liked. After Cindy found out about it, both girls fell out with each other.
In an effort to help salvage the friendship, Sean approached for my help. I agreed and told him what I knew from Cindy’s point of view whilst Sean told me from Desiree’s. He also revealed to me that Desiree was interested in M too and made me promise not to tell anyone, especially Cindy. That struck me. That immediately justified Desiree’s actions.
My mind was in a whirl. Should I keep my promise or tell my best friend about it? Cindy and I were the best of friends. We never keep things from each other nor do anything that would jeopardize our friendship. I felt that that it was something that I ought to tell Cindy as that seems to be the root of their conflict. But, I did not want to go against my conscience.
After considering hard, I decided to tell Cindy. This was roughly what I said, “Someone told me something about Desiree but I can’t tell you who is it and what it’s about”. I know that that was ultimately foolish of me. The decision was either to tell or not to tell. Yet, the indecisive me chose to tell her parts of it and keep her in suspense. She was disappointed with me. And this led to the conflict.
The conflict later resolved after much explanation and apologies on my part.
Personally, I felt disappointed with myself for being indecisive. If I had not told her, the conflict would not have started at all.
Think about this. If you were in my shoes, would you be a man of your word and hide secrets from your best friend? Or, would you be a good friend and tell what she ought to know at the expense of breaking another’s trust in you?
The scenario you have chosen looks little messy with names and relationships between them. But still this is a good practical situation which happens in everyone’s life. You could avoid using so many paragraphs when there is no need for them.
ReplyDeleteAfter analyzing the situation, I think if you really want to tell your best friend what she ought to know, then do this first. Go to Sean and talk about this issue. Ask his permission to tell your friend Cindy about the secret because it is an important statement in the issue. Tell him that you will not mention his name to Cindy.
What Desiree did was just the human behavior. She cannot sacrifice a big thing for her friend. Cindy should get this point. But still backstabbing Cindy by telling some tales is a wrong thing to do to a friend. So Desiree should realize this. She should not have done that first of all.
If I were in your position I would first talk to Sean to get his permission. If that does not work then I will straight away go and tell Cindy everything. Because here keeping the promise is not a big issue. If that secret could bring a major change in my friend’s problem then I don’t mind breaking the promise. If something good is happening to someone out of a bad thing then that should be fine for me.
For me, I would actually tell her about D liking M, but make it a point not to disclose that it was S who told you so. In a way, you've not let either of your friends down!
ReplyDeleteWell, it's really hard to keep backstabbing at bay because people would do anything in the name of love. But I reckon being the middleman is even more difficult, especially when your best friend is involved. So don't feel disappointed! I'm sure your friend would be able to understand the reasons behind your actions, I'm sure she would do the same if she were in your shoes. :)
Well, in the end the conflict was resolved and that's more important right. Sometimes, things may not turn out the way we expected them to be and no matter how we try to resolve those conflicts, our efforts could be in vain. Friendship might even be lost and I believe that would be the worst case scenario.
Anyway, I'm glad your interpersonal conflcit has been resolved! :)
Dear Joanna,
ReplyDeleteIt does seem like you had to make a very hard decision. I would be transfixed and confused just as you were. There is no worst situation than being stuck between two friends and figuring out which one to choose, trust or loyalty.
However, I feel your decision of being indecisive wasn't exactly the right way of going about it. I'm sure even you realized this at the end , as that became the root cause of conflict between Cindy and you. Again, you're not entirely to blame. I might have done the same thing if I were in your position as we become paralyzed under such circumstances and don't really think how to respond.
However, after going through it and thinking about it, I would have kept the secret to myself.I would have instead somehow got Cindy and Desiree together, helped them sort out the problems amongst themselves and come up with their solution. This way, you're keeping Sean's trust as well as being loyal to Cindy's friendship by resolving the conflict among them.
I believe that most conflicts can be easily solved if the people being directly involved sit down and talk it out amongst themselves.
Kudos,to resolving your conflict and maintaining your friendship at the end:)
@ Yazhini: Thanks for sharing your opinions on how you would approach a situation. I guess if there was ever another situation like that, I will rethink about my decision and consider yours.
ReplyDeleteP.S The senario looks abit messy because it is really a messy and sticky situation in real life !Haha.
@Alicia: Hey! Thanks for your views. I guessed your approach to the situation is better than mine. But I do agree that what matters most is that the friendship was salvaged in the end. (:
ReplyDelete@Shruti: Thanks for your thoughts and opinions about the situation. I do agree that being indecisive was totally not the correct way to approach the problem. And I guess, talking it out would have been a good idea too(: (if it doesn't end up as an argument!)
ReplyDelete